Hedda Hopper and the Hot Speakers

I have so much to say today, this may end up being a very long post. I can guarantee, it'll be worth your time if you chose to read it in it's entirety.

For two days I have been traipsing around work with naked fingernails, my Acetone Friend could stand it no longer, and brought back a bottle of polish.

"Oh My God Phoebe, you've gotta hear this!" she says as she cruises up to my desk and deposits a bottle of pink nail polish before me.

"What's up?" I'm staring up at her, curiosity piqued.

"Those speakers I gave Hedda, I found them in the tool crib out there on my line. I asked everyone if they knew who they belonged to, and nobody claimed them. So, I gave them to Hedda, she didn't have any speakers, she needed some." Acetone friend is speaking in a whisper so Hedda will not hear.

"Ok, so, what happened?" Sophia has turned from her computer, looking up at Acetone Friend as well.

"Well, Carolyn approached me this morning and asked me if I had found a 'cute little pair of speakers' in the tool crib when I cleaned it out!" forgetting she's whispering, Acetone Friend raises her voice, her arms are flailing.

"Oh My God! What did you do?" I'm shocked. She had told us all when she brought them back here that she had brought them in from home.

"I lied! I told her I didn't come across any!" All three of us turn to look in Hedda's direction. "I can't take them back, Hedda was so excited when I gave them to her!" A few moments of awkward silence go by.

"Just don't say a thing," Sophia had finally broke the silence.

Hedda would have been heartbroken if she had taken them back, I'm certain.

As I had arrived at work this morning Hedda had singled me out to tell me about her bad week that she was having this week. Callous as this may sound, I don't feel a bit sorry for her, and, kind of feel like maybe this is the kind of stuff that should happen to her once in a while.

People like Hedda are scavengers, living off of other people and expecting them to take pity on her. I don't take pity. Just this morning I discovered the trash can liners, the BRAND NEW roll that had been given to me 2 weeks ago, has disappeared. And, when I loudly exclaimed "What happened to the trash can liners!" she looked right at me, face pale, guilty.

So, Hedda had approached me this morning to tell me how unfair it was that the parole board was keeping her son in prison one more year. He was a good boy, he didn't need anger management training and psychiatric evaluation. She would look after him.

She then went on to tell me how the insurance company was being unfair to her. They were telling her they would not be covering anything on the accident she had gotten into on Tuesday because they claimed her insurance was lapsed, swearing up and down she had sent out the check last Friday and the accident was Tuesday.

On top of all that, she had complained that the diabetic shoes she had gotten for free from the welfare people were giving her feet a blister. 'They were very expensive shoes, why are they giving me a blister?' I could have choked her.

But, alas, I don't want to end up in the same prison as her son.

Then there is The New Guy. I have done an excellent job of avoiding him the past two days, I've barely even seen him.

But, like most production floors, rumor travels like wild fire. I have discovered he has had his management responsibilities removed, imagine the humiliation. So much fun to sit back and watch the action unfold, Sophia and I anxiously await the next scenario to unfold in this ongoing saga.

My Partner in Crime has returned to his antics, once again. I was deep in thought studying a work instruction for changes when he throws a cricket on my desk, bouncing from my thumb and landing on the phone. Immediately I scream, scooching back as far from the creature as I could. Thank God for Sophia, she grabs a Kleenex and heads for my ringing phone to grab the cricket. From the corner of my eye I see Mr. Brownstar pushing a cart across the opening to my area to block any escape I may try as I scream in horror at the disgusting little creature.

Naturally, it was My Partner in crime on the phone! I could have killed him! Sophia and I have vowed revenge against him, his stunt will look like a kindergarten prank compared to ours.

Then there is Betty. It appears that Betty's brother-in-law has gotten himself arrested for molestation and delinquent child support charges. Now, why on earth would you tell people where you work about stuff like this??