SOPHIA GOES TO SCHOOL TOO!!!!

Oh my god 40 years ago I was in the 9th grade. I know how Phebe feels now. She is a very smart girl and will go far. I sure miss all the fun we had at work raising all kinds of hell. Now it's back to school to start all over again.Math is my worst subject . English is my favorite. I have some of the ex-coworkers in my class.The age range is basicly kids right out of highschool skip alot of years then people in there 50's. I have a feeling it will be tuff finding a job. I love reading Phebe's writings keep it up . I'll be checking in girlfriend!!!!

The Interview

I would first like to clarify that I use the word "interview" loosly......

I started the day, today, thinking 'this could be the day'. This could be the day I found my new job that I totally love that pays me as much as I'm worth.

Then I realized I was daydreaming and finished getting ready for my interview.

Yep, that is correct, The Production Manager has ventured out and submitted some resumes, one of which getting a little attention as a result.

Not the best interview of my life, but, hey...... It sure did make for a great story!

Taking special care to pay close attention to my appearance, I primped and prodded at myself all morning hoping to pull off a sharp, sophisticated, put-together look for my first interview in 12 years. Arriving at exactly 10:25, 5 minutes early, I headed to the front desk and announced my arrival.

"Hi, I'm 'The Production Manager'. I'm here for a 10:30 interview," I was nervouse but portrayed an image of confidence.

"Oh, um, ok. Let me just get a hold of Ricky," an overweight, gum chewing woman squeaked from behind the desk.

10 minutes pass as I stand there, waiting, listening to Squeaker tell a coworker how her daughter was going to be 1 in two weeks and how she felt so old. I try my best to drone her out but it doesn't work. Squeaker's friend starts picking her butt then adjusts her bra.

"Follow me," Squeaker has stepped around from behind her desk and is pulling on a zip up hoodie. "He finally found your paperwork, I'll be bringing you back to his office." Squeaker is walking at a snails pace.

"Thank you," I smile, cringing. Butt Picker is tagging along too.

We walk to the back of the store where Squeaker and Butt Picker show me to a chair in the smallest office I've ever seen. In two steps you were literally from outside the door to the other side of the desk and ready to work. Although, I don't see how you could actually get any work done in that robin's egg blue shit hole, just sitting there for that brief amount of time I was there was enough to give me one hell of an headache.

"Hey Slacker, she's in your office," I hear from just outside the door. I was giving the office a brief glance when my interviewer lumbered through the door, collapsing heavily into his chair.

"Hello, I'm Rick," I stared in bemusement at the sight before me. A 400 lb bald man wearing jeans and a black spandex t-shirt was sitting before me, belly fat resting on the arm rests of his chair, one arm extended to shake my hand.

"Hello, I'm 'The Production Manager'," I replied, shaking his enormous, sweaty hand. A child's puzzle had been put together and made into artwork that he had chosen to hang on the wall behind him.

"I wanted to start by letting you know that this in not a full time job," I couldn't pull my eyes from his hideous mouth. Was he actually chewing a piece of meat?

"Well, thanks for your time Rick, but I'm really only looking for full time employment," I look away from him, disgusted by every last thing in the entire office. A piece of chewed gum is stuck to the underside of the corner of his desk.

"I'm going to put your name in our computer, and, if anything full time pops up we'll keep you in consideration. I have to be honest, though, we haven't actually had any full time openings in about 3 years," blah.... blah..... blah......

Why in the hell did they call me and set up an interview for? This was a complete bust.

"Ok, thank you Rick, I appreciate that. I've taken the liberty to bring my resume and references for you to review, if you could please file this with my application, I'd appreciate it," was I on crack?? This was absolutely the last place on earth I want to work! I've definitely got to work on shutting off auto-pilot once in a while.

"Ok, will do," handing my resume over I get up to leave. I couldn't help but wonder just how someone like this makes it into a position of management. In my worst nightmare my old coworkers could never have sunk to this level, not even Big Dog.

Turning Over a New Leaf

The Production Manager is no more.......

Sofia and I have been out of work now for almost a year and so much has happened.

To start it off, we have both decided to go back to school! Imagine that! Never in my wildest dreams could I have concieved the notion I would be a college student in my mid thirties.

Believe me, it has been an eye opening experience.

While I was initially worried I would be the oldest student in all of my classes, I have since discovered that I'm actually the median age. What I had thought would be a tough road to travel has actually been quite smooth, I'm so glad I've taken on this new challenge.

And my fellow classmates!! Post material for years to come......

Then there is the homefront. I've had my baby and she is nearly 10 months old now. It's amazing how much you can forget about being a mother of a tiny infant. I finally have a daughter. So tiny, so cute, so many emerging teeth.....

Funny how a burping, farting, pooping, biting machine can win your heart over without so much as a single effort. If a 40 year old were exhibiting the same behaviors you would be recoiling in horror just at the sight of him.

I also have a high schooler now. My oldest son is in 9th grade and I have suddenly become a social parriah. We can no longer be seen in public together and it is socially unacceptable for him to sit in the front seat when we drive places. I gain pleasure from this new twist on things, however, by hugging him in public and asking him if he's got any armpit hair yet at the dinner table.

Might as well have a little fun with it while I can!

And my youngest son.... My little guy. As much as I try not to I can't help buy favor him. Always hugging me, always telling me he loves me. I'm taking advantage of every moment I can.

I could go on, but I think I'll save more for future posts. It's time for Sophia and I to catch everyone up on the new developments.

THE LAST WEEKS

Yes,4 weeks till the next shift is gone.
First shift except people that want to
go and help people at the plant that closed us.
Not me I have to move on and find other work.

OUR TIME IS RUNNING OUT

Well six weeks and the plant is closing.Second shift has been let go.I heard today a town north of
us the plant has been bought out too.They plan on closing it in 6 months.Very sad for the area.Jobs are few and far between.You are very lucky to find one with health insurance.Alot of people are going back to school.We still try to have a few laughs.It is hard though.

The plant is on it's way to closing

Oct 31 is it for everyone.The main support group are leaving one by one.Very few left.Our last build out is this month.Alot of people are going back to school to learn a new trade.Phobe will go back to school winter after she has her baby(which is a girl Hannah) I'm not sure what I will do.
We still have alot of laugh's around her at the people.We are having a steak dinner tomarrow for 2nd shift due them being done Aug 24.GOOD LUCK TO ALL OF THEM!!

THE PLANT IS BECOMMING A GHOST SHOP

Well, each week there are at least 2 people leaving for other jobs.pulling up roots and leaving the quaint little towns they have come to know and love.Heading for the big city's where the work is.GOOD LUCK TO THEM AND THEIR FAMILY'S.I'm sure that is very scaryfor them,knowing their homes will sit on the market for god knows how long.

DEPRESSION SETS IN !

Ther are days when people are happy and then there are days people are sad.They have to pick up and move their families to the big city and leave the north.The change is a very big one.I grew up in the suburbs of Detroit,then moved upnorth in my early 20's.It is very hard to make that sort of change.The pace from fast to slow.The people up here in the north have to go from slow to fast.I could not do that again,too much for me.I love northern Mich,my grandmother,grandfather and father are both buried up here.I wish the best for everyone.

THE SHOW GOES ON

There is alot of people finding new jobs relocating to other states.More power to them.You have to find that job now due to the time of year.Winter will be alot harder for people.They are posting jobs in the lunchroom every day.Mich works will be in today to talk to everyone.Hedda will probably retire she is 67.Me of couse will move on and go into a different field. Things will be good!

Death on the Production floor

One of the saddest days.Our plant is closing.We were told Monday 9:00 A.M. No-one knows what to say or do,but go on do our job.God help everyone!

FEAR OF THE UNKNOWN

No plant meeting today.Yesterday was canceled.Our Manager Pheb's explained to everyone not to worry,but the girls have to nag anybody and everybody now that Pheb's is gone.Hedda took 2 days off to have her sons throw out the free-loader that has been living there for 3 years.I can't understand alot of this,too strange.Tomarrow brings another adventure.

FREAK OUT!

Well the new guy is getting married.He took his bride to be to a lookout point with a bottle of wine and asked her.Sold a whole lot of things on e-bay to buy the ring.He is has a bad temperment so I hope she knows what she's doing.Maybe they will wait a year for her sake.
People are going nuts around her.There is not much work.So we will see what the next step
is.This fella ran out yesterday could not breath drove himself to the hospital so he did not have to pay 750.00 for an ambulance to go 2 miles.Wow what is going on around here?
STAY TUNED!

Whatever you do.....

Don't drink the water on the production floor!

A wave of pregnancies has overtaken the production floor, myself included. It is even rumored that Crazy Office Supply Jody may be pregnant as well.

Funny how these types of things happen in mass quantity.

In other news, many changes have taken place over the course of the past month, changes that affect a lot of our day to day work life. In many cases we now feel hesitant to do things that would have not been given a second thought before. Big Brother is now watching my every move and every keystroke as I sit before my computer.

Thank God for home computers, I must say!

There are strange happenings a foot in the residence of Hedda Hopper. As the days have passed, and the story has unfolded, I have discovered that Hedda's daughter has been seeking the attentions of an ex-con she met online.

Now, this alone is reason to raise an eyebrow, but, the story gets better. This daughter already has a boyfriend who she has been living with for the past 2 or 3 years at Hedda's residence. A boyfriend that Hedda affectionately calls 'my future son-in-law'.

Apparently Hedda's daughter, I shall refer to her as Lay Down Sally, has gone downstate under the guise of 'work', leaving behind her soon to be husband.

Curious, I asked Hedda what Lay Down Sally was working on, I was of the belief that, per Hedda, she was too disabled to actually work.

Hedda's response? Lay Down Sally and another woman were working on a lice treatment they had discovered and were in the process of getting it patented. They were going to make millions.

Lice treatment???

Unable to contain my curiosity, I inquire from Hedda why her 'future son-in-law' didn't go downstate with Lay Down Sally, after all, he didn't have a job either.

According to Hedda, the cabin Sally is staying in is only big enough for one person.

My hunch is, Lay Down Sally is shacked up down there with ex-con. I also have a grizzly little hunch that Hedda and the 'future son-in-law' might be shacked up together as well.

Just the thought makes my skin crawl.

The minute she opened her mouth......

Sophia knew she had spoken too soon.

Making a break for the restroom, Sophia and I headed in with caution. For once, the restroom did not smell like an outhouse that had sat in the sun and baked for a week straight.

"Hey, it's not bad in here today," Sophia had stated, surprised. No odious odor, no noises, nothing.

"Thank God," I returned, rolling my eyes.

No sooner had the words escaped our mouths then the flatulence began. From the third stall, a stall containing a woman wearing pink and white sneakers, came the nearly constant sound of farts, ripping one right after another. Horrified, I sat in the stall right beside her. The echo from the toilet bowl was deafening, I had to escape.

I found myself leaning down to stare at this woman's shoes, trying like crazy to recognize who it was. Why I wanted to know, I have no idea, but, really, if you think about it, it's no different then staring at a tragic accident. You just can't help yourself!

Almost as quickly as we headed to the restroom, Sophia and I scurried out. I'm certain the woman in the third stall could hear my laughter as I saw the look on Sophia's face.

Operation Picture Verification

As with any manufacturing facility, nothing stays a secret for long, especially information that could be deemed incredulous or unbelievable.

Word had spread that The New Guy had brought in a picture of his girlfriend and placed it on his desk. Immediately we all began to surmise....

Was it a real picture? Did he print something he pulled off the internet? Was she attractive? What in the hell did she see in The New Guy? Or, was this all an elaborate scheme?

It was imperative we were able to get down to the bottom of this!

As it so happens, GQ and The New Guy share a cubicle, and GQ was able to piece together from overheard conversations that The New Guy had planned to leave early, it was his birthday and he wanted to prepare for his marriage proposal.

Upon hearing this information, the wheels in my mind immediately began turning, the plan was formed.

Waiting for The New Guy to put on his coat and head for the door, Cruella immediately picked up the phone and whispered into it that The New Guy was headed out the door. Laughing to myself, I nodded over to Sophia and told he we were needed down in the bull pen.

Sophia and I entered the cubicle to find Cruella on The New Guy's phone, chatting, sitting in his chair, rifling through the papers on his desk. GQ sat at his desk, looking through the pictures he had taken the previous night partying with his 'friends', laughing as Sophia and I begin to visually scan The New Guys desk.

"Where's the picture?" I ask, laughing a little.

"Right here," Cruella hands me a black frame containing a very pretty oriental looking woman.

"This is her?" I ask, cynicism in my voice.

"Yes," GQ pops in. He has now scooted his chair over next to where Sophia, Cruella, and I had grouped.

"Well, she's pretty," Sophia had taken a long look at the girl in the frame.

"How do we know it's real?" I just couldn't, for the life of me, believe someone like her would go out with someone like The New Guy. "Let's take the picture out of the frame."

"I don't want any part of this," GQ immediately pulled back like a complete chicken.

Flipping the frame over, I slid the catch out from beneath the frame to allow the back to fall free. Carefully removing the inner contents of the frame, I discovered the picture was actually a card of some sort.

"Oh My God! It's a card in here, not just a picture. What should we do? Should we look?" I had held the card shut, waiting for a unanimous decision.

"Well, of course we should look!" GQ slid his chair back over and took the card from my hands, opening it and peering inside. "Hmmm....." Holding it out for the rest of us to see, it was completely void of any writing inside, just a piece of parchment paper with the words 'Happy Holidays' inside.

Unable to contain ourselves, the 4 of us began to laugh hysterically as Sophia burst out "This is like an Episode of 'The Office'."

The New Guy Finds a Bride

Sophia and I have come to discover this past week that The New Guy has found himself a future bride.

This woman obviously doesn't know him very well!

Apparently after the month and 2 days they have been dating The New Guy is certain he's on the road to marriage, he has even begun talking about how he should pop the question. It is his belief that she is fully on board with the whole marriage thing and she would absolutely say yes at this very moment if he were to pop the question.

One of two things is happening, I believe.

A) This woman is so desperate to marry she has allowed herself to scrape the bottom of the barrel for a suitable candidate.

B) The New Guy is moving quick, this may be his last opportunity to marry a woman, he needs to snatch this one up before she gets to know the 'real' New Guy.

Personally, I believe it to be the latter of the two. At some point she's going to notice his purple lips and deformed eyebrow above his left eye.

In other news, I broke about a million rules today when I checked out The New Guys attendance out of curiosity. He had stated to Sophia and I he and his girlfriend were planning on flying to Vegas in May for a vacation. My evil twin getting the better of me, I knew he was just about out of sick time, so I looked to see if he was actually telling the truth.

Not!!

Not only does he NOT have any time left to take, but, he also has a verbal write up in his attendance file already. He will never make it to his anniversary date in September without missing any time.... I do not see a long term production floor future for this freak of nature.

I just hope he lasts long enough for me to see if he really does end up getting married, I'm seriously considering taking bets on the outcome.

Today on the production floor.....

Hedda Hopper used the bathroom and did not wash her hands.

I was completely disgusted.

After attending the morning meeting, a meeting in which I had consumed an entire 20oz bottle of Mt. Dew, I made a pit stop at the women's restroom. While in route I had seen Hedda enter the restroom.

My initial fear was of her stinking the place up before I had a chance to make it down there. There is nothing in the world worse then using a public restroom while someone in the next stall is taking a shit.

I now know there is one other public restroom nightmare that can rival this situation.

Hedda Hopper left the restroom WITHOUT washing her hands.

For the rest of the day I couldn't even look in her direction without this piece of knowledge coming back to haunt me. I will never be able to touch anything she has touched ever again.

I now know why she smelled like urine last week.

The Skank Scandel

Spicegirl has taken it upon herself to rehire the tattooed up drug addict.

Ok, this is the woman whose attendance was so poor she would have been fired her last day if she hadn't chosen to voluntarily walk out.

This is the woman they WANT to bring back?

I'm at a loss.

What is it about these hopeless derelicts of society that people just want to bend over backwards for? Is it the notion that somehow they can 'make a difference' in their life? There by, hopeless derelict makes complete turn around and they become a martyr?

Whatever the reason, I don't believe for a second it's out of generosity and kindness.

The Natives are Restless

As with any production floor, change comes painfully and aggressively.

With the new business model, dictated by our new owners, also comes a new corporate structure. Where once my corporation consisted of 4 plants located in 4 different states, 2 of which fighting over corporate control, it now consists of many, many different plants located in many different countries, each and every one of them managing their own destiny.

Scary..... yet vindicating at the same time. It's about time.

The president of our new company, the vice president of North American operations, and a few other members of the upper crust were in house last Thursday for the official welcome ceremony.

As much as I would like to welcome them all with open arms and say "It's about fucking time!" I also feel hesitant in the situation, too many years of financial hardship and cut backs have hardened me. I've learned to not truly see anything as 'good', because, deep inside every single act of generosity is always a seed of evil.

Being a production manager has opened my eyes to this world. I see what happens behind the scenes, the conversations that occur, the reason behind everything. 'Spin a positive approach on the subject' they say.....

Little do they know how much it tears me apart inside to do such a thing when I KNOW it is not for a positive reason at all.

Alas, I digress... That was then, this is now.

So, the upper crust was in the plant on Thursday for our official welcoming ceremony. In the cafeteria we all sat, sweating our asses off, listening intently as one of the most charismatic people I've had witness to observe tell me about how wonderful his company is and how excited he was to have us all join his 'family'.

I wanted so badly to be able to think everything is going to be better from this point forward, but I can't. I just can't.

Only time will tell, and, I shall be traveling with a guarded heart.

I have also learned that I will be working for a new boss. The departments I head, in the new regime, no longer belong to the Quality group, we will at some point be listed as a Materials function. I anxiously await the announcement of who my new boss will be. Because this position had not existed under the old regime, we all sit on pins and needles waiting to see who will be the new Materials Manager.

I will be forced to quit my job if Big Dog is the individual nominated for this position. There is no way I could work for such a malcontent degenerate once again.

God have mercy on my soul.

Today in the Production Managers Meeting

The Production Managers have come up with a wild new scent for the season, it will be named 'Ripped Ass'.

Upon entering the conference room this morning, Calamity Jane immediately began to gripe about how she had to "rip her team a new ass" for recent human relations situations. Naturally, the rest of us laughed at her outburst and offered little support.

"I could tell something was going on..... A very distinct odor has emanated from your area," Big Dog was the first to comment between the snickers and giggles.

"Yes, it IS a very distinct odor, isn't it. That's what we, in the profession, would like to call 'Essence of Ripped Ass'," Mr. Brownstar snorted as he tried in vain to hold back a laugh.

"Let's copy right that bad boy," Calamity Jane is now laughing, her anger beginning to subside.

The average employee on the production floor really has no idea how difficult it can be to be a production manager. Not only do you have the demands of the customer, your own superior, and a director of operations, but you also have the intricate and detailed demands of the several individuals who work for you.

The toughest part of your job is always the latter. It is defined for you what the customer needs are. You know, without doubt, what your boss expects out of you. When the director of operations heads your way it has already been determined this isn't going to go well.

But, with your employee, you are absolutely blindsided. Are they here to tattle tale on their fellow coworker? Are they here to scope information in their subtle (yet completely obvious) conversation? Are they trying to work the system, yet again, with a new loop hole they have discovered in the hand book?

It is these issues that push a production manager, like Calamity Jane, to their wits end, forcing them to, whether they want to or not, 'rip their team a new ass'.